Archive for the ‘Studies’ Category

Creating a Compliment Culture

April 8, 2009

I was inspired to write this blog post after an enlightening conversation with Bernie Muir, co-editor of FeminineZone about how important – and often scarce – compliments are amongst families, especially during stressful times.

It’s a tough time in households with kids of 13-18 at the moment, Bernie told me. “A lot of parents are very vocal when [children] do something wrong, but not as vocal if they do something right,” she said. It is “also important to teach your kids to make compliments.” This is an important observation from a woman who has spent the past 9 years editing an online magazine dedicated to discussing the ‘real’ issues of what is going on between men and women, especially as they age.

Bernie’s view on the importance of compliments: “If you’ve got teenagers who are full of hormones and awash with self esteem…often what you do is tell them off…parents should find a way to compliment the youngsters especially during exam season and mock season. Add to that, it is likely that the parents are losing their jobs or have retained their jobs but are doing more…so the likelihood of having at the top of your mind to give out compliments is not there.” Additionally, they are probably not getting the recognition they need at work, making the importance of receiving compliments at home even more acute. So it seems that creating a compliment culture needs to begin at home.

She also told me a bit about the differences in complimenting behaviour and needs for men vs. women. “Men need appreciation for the things they do. It’s anthropological. A woman doesn’t need praise every time she fills the dishwasher, but a man does,” Bernie said. “He is doing something useful and wants to be noticed for it. Women need praise in different areas…such as kind gestures.” Because men and women need different types of compliments, one or the other may always be falling short Bernie told me.

“It’s one of the biggest bugbears of most relationships,” Bernie says, “because people don’t say things that relate to what the other partner needs. With so much negative stuff in the air – there’s no hope of it happening.”

This is why the idea behind ilikeucoz is so powerful and yet so simple. “You could be the only site thinking about this!” Bernie told me. Well, we hope that as word gets out about our appreciation engine, ilikeucoz, it will catch on and create a compliment culture just when we need it the most. And its half term, so why not take a pause and compliment the important people in your life – especially your children and your partner.

Author:  Diane Perlman (twitter | ilikeucoz)

Can you take a compliment?

March 16, 2009

I’ve been reading up on giving and receiving compliments and have been learning some interesting things. Ok – so it’s understandable that giving AND receiving compliments are both closely connected with one’s self esteem.  I get that.  But what I didn’t realise is that for many people, especially women, accepting compliments is very difficult. One article in Loveyish.com which garnered 80 comments from women who all said they had trouble accepting compliments, suggested that people don’t like getting compliments because of two reasons: insecurity (they don’t believe it’s true) and insincerity (they don’t believe the compliment is genuine).

Clearly compliments – giving and receiving them – is totally intertwined with how we view ourselves. According to an article in WildHealthFood.com, how we receive a compliment can tell us a lot about our self worth.  In fact we actually gain more benefits by graciously receiving a compliment rather than rejecting or refusing it. Apparently the most successful people receive compliments more gracefully than others, which stands to reason – if your successful, you know you must be good at what you do.

Experts advise that when you receive a compliment, the best response is ‘Thank you’, rather than rejecting a compliment or questioning it.  For some people it takes years to be able to say these two simple words, because of self doubt and disbelief. But there’s no getting around it, when we receive a compliment it feels good. And feeling good promotes good health and strengthens self esteem. What could be better? It seem so simple really.

So the next time you get a compliment – in person or via ilikeucoz.com, take note of how it feels. And just say  ‘thank you’.  If you like it, why not return the favour and make someone else’s day?

Author:  Diane Perlman (twitter | ilikeucoz)

Our compliments to… compliments!

March 6, 2009

We knew we were onto something interesting here at illikeucoz – the importance of compliments (especially for women) was in fact recently highlighted by The Sun in an article about a study released by Dove UK in early February ’09, just about the time that ilikeucoz launched.

Dove says that some 15% of women NEVER receive a compliment and a further 19% rarely ever do – from friends, family, strangers… or even their partners. A bit shocking really!

Dove’s study goes on to say that while most of the few comments women DO receive are positive and complimentary, there is a darker side to the story, related to passing judgement on women’s appearance. In fact 6% of women only hear negative comments rather than positive ones from their mums (oh dear…). And since 92% of women admit they take comments they receive to heart, the impact such negative comments can have on women’s self-esteem is significant. Apparently, women have a deep seated need for affirmation, and the things that other people say has a huge impact on how women think and feel about themselves.

The Sun article goes on to quote a confidence coach – Dawn Breslin, who says, “Compliments are little gift packages of love and appreciation that help us build our self esteem and self confidence.”

What do you think girls… is this all true? If so – what is everyone waiting for? Get complimenting on ilikeucoz.com… and in general! And with mum’s day coming up later this month in the UK… why not show our mum’s how it’s done?

To read the full article on Dove’s findings, click here.

 

Author: Diane Perlman (twitter | ilikeucoz)